How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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