How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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