How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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