How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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