How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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