How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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