How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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