How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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