How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."

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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.

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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.

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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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