How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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