How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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