How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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