How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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