How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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