How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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