How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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