How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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