How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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