How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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