How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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