How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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