How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?

This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile . . .
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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