How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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