How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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