How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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