How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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