How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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