How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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