How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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