How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''

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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin

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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.

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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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