How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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