How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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