How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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