How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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