How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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