How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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