How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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