How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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