How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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