How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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