How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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