How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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