How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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