How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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