How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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