How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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