How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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