How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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