How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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