How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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