How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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