Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
or
Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
or
Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.
A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
or
They had reservations.
or
By carving a Trumpkin.
or
Some day my prints will come.
or
Three:
One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and
one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
or