How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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