How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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