How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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