How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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