How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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