How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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