How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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