How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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