How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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