How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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