How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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