How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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