How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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