How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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