How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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