How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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