How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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