How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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