How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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