How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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