How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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