How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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