How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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