How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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