How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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