How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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