How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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