How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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