How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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