How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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