How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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