How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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