How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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