How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over

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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.

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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.

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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.

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