How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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