How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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