How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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