How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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