How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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