How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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