How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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