How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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