How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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