How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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