How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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