How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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