How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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