How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.

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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.

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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.

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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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