How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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