How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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