How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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