How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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