How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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