How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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