How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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