How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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