How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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