How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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