How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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