How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.

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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis

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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.

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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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