How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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