How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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