How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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