How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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