How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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