How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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