How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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