How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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A seal walks into a club...
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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