How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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