How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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