How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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