How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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