How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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