How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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