How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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