How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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