How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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