How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.

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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.

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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.

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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog

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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.

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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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