How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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