How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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