How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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