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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It's fine, he woke up.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?
By subsisting on titrations.
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What is at the end of everything?
The letter G.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.
But that's just nuts
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?
Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.
That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?
Squeaky clean
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