How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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