How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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