How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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