How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.

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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!

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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.


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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle

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