How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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