How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.

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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them

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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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