How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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