How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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