How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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