How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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