How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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