How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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