How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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