How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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