How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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