How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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