How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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