How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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