How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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