How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!

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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.

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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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