How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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