How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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