How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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