How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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