How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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