How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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