How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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