How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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