How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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