How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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