How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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