How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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