How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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